The Friday Favorite series features makers, projects, films, books, and other sources of inspiration I have fallen in love with. I hope by sharing them I will be able to bring something new and inspiring into your life!
Favorite Ted Talk /10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation by Celeste Headlee
I wrote this post earlier in the week but in light of recent events, I feel like this Ted Talk is more relevant than ever. Without communication, understanding is replaced by fear, intolerance, and ignorance. There’s a part in this talk that stands out to me–Celeste says that she has had great conversations with people whose values and beliefs differ greatly from her own. It sounds like that is something we need to do now. Regardless of where we stand on politics, gun control, the police, or racism, it seems like it would be a good idea to listen to one another to come up with a solution so that we don’t need to continue waking up to news of another violent shooting or another senseless death. I think we can all agree we don’t want to live in a world where this is a daily occurrence. While there are major changes that need to happen, I think if we have better conversations in our daily lives and within our communities, we will be taking a step in the right direction.
I have found that when I feel stuck, uninspired, or blah, a great way to get out of that funk is to listen to an episode of Ted Talks on YouTube. I recently came across Celeste Headlee’s Ted Talk “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. It caught my eye because who wouldn’t want to have a better conversation? I want to feel this way with people I interact with and I also want people to walk away from a conversation with me feeling connected and having enjoyed speaking with me.
Celeste Headlee has a lot of experience with communicating with people–she is a radio journalist, reporter, host, correspondent, writer, and professional opera singer. She is currently the host of “On Second Thought”, a radio talk show on Georgia Public Broadcasting. Celeste has co-hosted the national morning news show “The Takeaway”, was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR’s “Day to Day”, and was the host of a weekly show on Detroit Public Radio. She also holds multiple degrees in music and is a classically trained soprano who performs quite often.
As she says in the beginning of her talk, this is not the usual “look into the other person’s eyes” or “nod to show you are engaged” pieces of advice we have probably already heard a billion times. And while you may hear some of the points and think they are pretty common sense, it seems many of us have forgotten these things in our busy day to day lives.
I ended up listening to this twice–after I finished it the first time I realized I wanted to write these 10 things down on paper so I wouldn’t forget them! I know I am guilty of many of the things on the list and I am looking forward to changing these bad habits immediately and adopt the new ones I have just learned. I truly enjoyed this talk and think Celeste is sharing such great knowledge and advice from her experiences.
Here is the Ted Talk and below are my notes on each point Celeste covers.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend and here’s to better conversations!
- Don’t multi-task. Be present in that moment. Be 100% there.
- Don’t pontificate. The definition of pontificate is, “express one’s opinions in a way considered annoyingly pompous and dogmatic.” Set aside personal opinions. Assume you have something to learn.
- Use open ended questions. Ask who/what/when/where/why/how. Instead of asking, “Were you afraid?” let them tell you how they felt by asking, “How did you feel?” or “What was that like?”
- Go with the flow. Let thoughts go in and out of your mind. Don’t hold onto a thought or story which takes you out of the moment and makes you stop listening (you end up thinking, “I got to remember to tell this story!” instead of listening to the other person).
- If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Don’t pretend like you know something if you don’t.
- Don’t equate your experiences with theirs. All experiences are individual. It’s not about you. It’s not a promotional opportunity.
- Try not to repeat yourself.
- Leave out the details. Nobody cares about the exact date or time or place. They care about you, how the two of you connect.
- LISTEN! Pay attention. Listen with the intent of understanding, not the intent of responding.
- Be brief.
- Go into a conversation interested in the other person and be prepared to be amazed by them!